


blue

by pretty_slytherin_bi



Series: colors (according to maria rambeau) [1]
Category: Captain Marvel (2019), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Character Study, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Implied Sexual Content, Reminiscing, Stargazing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-15
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 13:26:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18121559
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pretty_slytherin_bi/pseuds/pretty_slytherin_bi
Summary: to maria, carol had always been blue.





	blue

**Author's Note:**

> this is my second fic ever so i don't know how it turned out. i started it in spanish class and finished writing it in an hour, so... i dunno. it's probably not that great. comments and kudos are greatly appreciated, and if you see any typos, don't hesitate to tell me. also, english is not my first language, so there may be a few grammar errors. anywAY. enjoy!

blue. 

everything about her was blue. blue was the color of her t-shirt when they met and blue were the shoes she always wore. it was the color of her sunglasses and her lipstick when they kissed for the first time.

blue were the stains in her white shirt when she first took her home to meet her daughter and it was the color of the toy cars they played with. it was the color of the blanket which she threw over them when they eventually settled on the couch and the color of the dim light that came from the TV as they fell asleep, pressed against each other. her smile was blue when she told her that she loved her for the first time and so were her tears when she was told that her feelings were requited.

it was the color of starred sky they laid under on that hot summer night when they finally gave themselves to each other in both body and soul, and blue was the color of the touches and kisses and smiles they shared that night and that they would share for many more nights to come.

blue was the color of her voice when they sang in the bar and the color of their drinks in their first anniversary. it was the color of her anger when she fought some douchebags in the bar’s parking lot that had dared to look and speak to her girlfriend the wrong way, and the color of her motorcycle when she decided to leave her crappy apartment downtown behind to move in with maria and her daughter. 

it was the color of the smoke left behind by the planes they saw and they flew every day and the color of her grin every time she laughed in ecstasy for the joy that provided her being able to do what she loved with the woman she loved.

blue – the color of her world when they told her that she had died along with doctor lawson when her plane crashed, and that there was no body left for her to bury. it was still the color of the world as she stood in the graveyard, watching the burial of an empty coffin, and the color of her tears when she was finally left alone to grieve. it was the color of the words of her lover’s relatives when they expressed their condolences, and the color of the flowers they left at her grave. the sky was blue that day, too. a blue as bright and calming as they day she lost her. a cruel reminder of her pain and suffering which only made her weep harder for her love. 

it was the color of the teddy bear her daughter clutched to her chest when she asked where auntie carol was, before the funeral, and the color of the confusion embodied in her eyes when she was told that auntie carol wasn’t coming with her, not now and not ever again. that she was gone, and that she would never come back to them. it was the color of their shared pain as she hugged her daughter tight, the only reason her world wasn’t completely dark in that moment.

blue was the color of the memories that she put away in boxes and locked in the attic in hopes of, eventually, moving on. blue was the color she felt when she started finally to heal and the color of the scars her love had left on her. it was the color of the ink of the pen in her hand when she resigned the army; it brought back too many painful memories, seeing the soldiers and the planes and the hangars.

they all looked happy; it reminded her of a time when she was truly happy too, when she had her daughter and her mentor and the woman she loved. but now lawson was gone and carol was gone and it was all too much, being there every day and reminiscing about what could have been if only the accident hadn’t happened. 

she still had her daughter, and she was grateful for it; she doesn’t know what might’ve happened if monica hadn’t been there to remind her that yes, life was hard and unpredictable and even cruel, but not everything was bad. there were good things too, things she needed to learn how to appreciate. her young and beautiful daughter might not have realized how much she did for her mother by just being there, maria decided, but she was going to make sure monica had the best life she could provide her with. 

they were watching TV one day and a character said one thing that made her see blue all over again. he said “The way I see it, every life is a pile of good things and bad things. The good things don’t always soften the bad things, but vice versa, the bad things don’t always spoil the good things and make them unimportant.”. she wasn’t really paying attention, but that one line stuck with her. she realized, yes, she could grieve, and yes, she might never find someone like carol, but she couldn’t only remember the bad; she had to remember the good too.

so the next day, she took all the boxes out of the attic, and she and monica spent all day going through them and remembering carol. maria found at the very bottom of one of the boxes her lover’s most treasured jacket; she wasn’t quite sure why she decided to put it away. monica called dibs on it until one day she accidentally stained it with ketchup. it had been hanging in maria’s closet since then.

she also found the flannel shirt she lent her the first time carol stayed over. she had gotten wine all over her white shirt, so maria let her have her shirt for the day. she didn’t really mind that she never got it back; it suited carol so much better than it had ever suited her. and seeing her walk around the house wearing nothing else? she had enjoyed it so much more than she would admit. when she took the shirt out of the boxes, she saw blue all over again. but this time, it didn’t hurt as much.

but even years later, when she showed up on her doorstep, wearing a nine-inch nails shirt, a leather jacket, and a flannel around her waist, she didn’t believe it was really her. but not only because she believed she was dead, no. what struck her was that she was no longer blue. she was green.

**Author's Note:**

> i'll probably write a sequel. when? that i don't know


End file.
